Dear Amirul,
I remember when you still swimming inside your mom’s belly, every once in a while you kicked me whenever i lay my cheek on my wife’s tummy. I knew you are Amirul (No, Not Aminah! I’m not going to name you a girl’s name even if you like that name, because you’re a boy) when the doctor showed your ‘banana’ on the screen. They call it ultrasound in medical world.
37 weeks and 4 days, and kapish!!!
You were covered with white slimy thing, still struggling to breathe when the first time i saw you. In the state of shocked, i couldn’t believe what i see, you’re really came out of my wife’s womb when i heard you cry. “a girl or a boy?”, a nurse questioned. “boy”, i said.
I wonder how do you feel when the first time you saw me? Did you see me as a father? Please open your eyes, Amirul, I gave you an opportunity to hear Azan, so you will be a healthy baby that blooms our lovely life. You are obviously a boy because of a big bird, which obviously big and attached in between your legs. And I don’t know why the nurse asked me again about your gender. Maybe she was colorblind.
Your face.
I remember your face like a japanese baby, pearl white and reddish skin, you were sleeping so peacefully. While i was watching you in endless? slumber, a tonne of nightmare questions hit me at 110 km/h.
“Am i responsible enough to be your father? Am i brave enough to be your guardian? Am i mature enough to be your crying shoulder? Am i lovable enough to hug you all day? Am i wealthy enough to feed you so can be a better person?”
I felt a thin air and my breath shorten more than usual, i almost have a tear in my eyes that I couldn’t believe that I am a father at that moment. Yesterday I was a self-absorbed, wasted young boy that didn’t care about people around, but that day I was holding a baby, that his blood running through his veins is my own blood and I felt like I want love you more than anyone else.
Well, when I say love, still your mother is the no.1, and you’re no. 2. That thing will never change. Hmm..
That day has changed me to new person.
That day has changed my life foverer.
The Day that you were born.
