KambingBujang

photo by: Crowbert

I find parenting in this modern world is quite tough and challenging. Not only parenting but everything. Needful things are not cheap like it used to be where nasi goreng kampung was RM2.50 and a daycare fee was RM150 (My mom had once opened a daycare, I happened to remember the fee).

Today, nasi goreng kampung is about RM4.00, and the daycare fee is RM270. And most of the children has been able to read at the age of 4. Mine is unable to speak and he’s almost 3 years old now. A new fresh-graduate colleague makes more money than me, for I have to work hard for more than three years to get that same rate.

That gives me a lot of stress. The world has never been satisfied with us, they become more and more demanding as technology and modernization are evolving.

To survive the weather  of the stressful world, we have to be:

• Superhuman
• Super rich
• Super active.
• Everything that superheroes can do.

If only we have that kind of things above, then everything is solved.

But we don’t.

We just act like superhuman, until we can’t take the heat of the parenting stress and burst like a balloon.  And what come next is fierce fights that happen almost everyday and then a love story of husband and wife is summarized with the divorce.

What kind of pressures that can depress parent even more?
Inflation eats our value of money.
As the inflation outpaced our disposable income, we need to get enough money for our family. and the more we unrstand how the evil inflation works, the more we realized that our income is so ridiculous that we need to find another source of income. We realized the need to save more money for insurance, security, kids college, emergency, tabung haji, as well as retirement fund.

Remember, the common fight between husband and wife is money.

Distinct education for our children.
I heard from someone that even a 7-year old pupil who registers as Darjah 1 pupil has to take pre-screen test to determine which level of class he or she should be attend for the rest of the year.

What we expect from our children then? Yes, straight A’s. We expect that they are ahead of everyone else in all subject. And to achieve the expectation, we should take extra miles by sending them to the best tuition class.

Good education cost a lot of money. That will hammer more pressure onto dad’s forehead.

Cost of good medication, food, and toys,
Thanks to Allah that we are covered by employer’s health program because Amirul and Widad visit the panel clinic at least once in a month. We wonder how much the medication will cost if there’s no such thing like that.

We also want to find good food and groceries for our family; and less expensive at the same time. And sure you want to buy toys that can develop physical and brain of our children. But you know can’t afford that kind of toys. It cost RM100-200 per toys. But you’re forced to buy in order to get our children to become excellent. You want your kids to get straight A’s in future,remember? Then you have to find the right gadget for it for a start.

Precious time with kids.
We have decided that we both need a decent job to give our kids better food, better home, and better life, I hope.

But what we are missing here is time. The precious time with our kids.

If I want my wife to be a full-time housewife, then our mommy has the precious time with his kids. But then, we will be living in a small apartment, eating basic food with insufficient money to save for college fund or emergency fund.

So, we have to let go the precious time with kids, send them to a nursery and bring home more money. Wow, right now i feel so guilty with my kids for I have a free time only at nights. But then, the kids gets yawn already and they want to sleep and no time to play with daddy.

To vaporize the stress, these are the steps that I have been thinking about after several hours of staring at keyboard:
Pursue higher education.
Higher education tends to get more money. We feel an urge that one of us has pursue further study to increase salary.

If that money can cover our household expenses and get my wife become a full time mom who spends most of the time with  her kids, then I’mwilling to do that.

The 80/20 rules.
Forgive as I’m not good in explaining 80/20 rule, but you can find it here and here and here. Basically, the rule teach you how you should be doing only 20%, that will result 80%. Basic example is by writing down your expenses that only took seconds, may result better financial discipline in future.

Do not stop inventing money.
You may want to hone your skill and ability to make money like writing, web design, consultation, eBaying, and everything that the web can offer.

Conclusion
To reduce the stress, I think I should see someone expert that I can lean on, or seek quality time of prayer by visiting mosque for frequently, or even go somewhere relaxing and inexpensive. Surviving is very hard. I’ve heard a lot of news about divorce rate is high and getting higher every year, mostly because they can’t bear the pressure of parenting and household expenses, and then they abandoned their children.