KambingBujang

The sun is shinning — indicates that she’s on your side — as if granting you an additional courages to your desire for a beach or theme park. You wear your sunglasses just to thank god how good the weather is. You put your smile on your face, without even forget to kiss your lovely wife and kids, and completed your things with a dedicated checklist.

You put your key into the ignition, pray to god that everything will be OK before you twist the key and hear the roar of the car engine. You push your pedal to pursue the place of interest that you and wife have planned it for a month or two.

You, also, bring your lovely children along. They just as normal as ordinary kids. And yes, they play a lot. They play a lot that they don’t know how to stop playing regardless of where they are. Even in the car.

Just as the bright day follows you, not for so long..

..when your children do this nightmares that nearly ruin your holiday:

 

#5 Hazardous Lights Went Crazy

“Kids, I know that you’re mesmerized the beauty of the blink light that affected you like twinkle twinkle little stars. But please, daddy’s driving. You don’t want this car get stuck on top of the mountain right?”

 like this family?

My kid like that blinking lights or the sound of the blinking. Klik, klak, klik klak when you hit the hazardous light. This was what actually happened to me: my kid turned the hazardous light on, then I turned it off. A millisecond after, he turn it on again. Turned-off-and-turned-on nightmare happened for about two minutes and then…

I finally gave his hand an awesome pinch. He cried and turned to her mum.

#4 Sudden Screaming of Nothingness

 

Stop screaming, please address your problem to the right channel

When I drive, it’s good to a silence moment or small talk with my wife to keep my sanity on driving concentration.

..And then, out of sudden, there’s a screaming, seemed to warn me there’s something bad happened or would happen in front.

But there’s nothing.

Nothing happened.

So it was actually my kids’ screaming that startled me. It gave terror because I would lose the car balance just by hearing a jolt of screamings as if I was jabbed with a knife through my heart

So kid stop screaming or you guys will not going to watch Kung Fu Panda anymore!!

 

#4 Pekaboo Driving

Sometimes it’s good to hear my children laughing and giggling at the back of your car. Once, my children were playing peekabo with each other and they just launched eternal laughings and it gave me a peace of mind.

But what didn’t give a peace of mind was that when one of my kids got bored and tried to play with me. But this time, he didn’t close his eyes to do peekabo at me. He just closed my eyes so that I could peekabo the car in front of me, I guess.

I just lost my road orientation for while because I lost my vision momentarily. My life was at my kid’s hands. Thank god, nothing happened. So I drove slowly on the left lane while gave a power lecture to my kids who didn’t seem to understand a thing I had said.

So tell me, kids, do I get applause when I peekabo/crash the car in front of me, or do I get infinite punches from the driver?

 

#2 Gear Shifting Assistant

To ease my worriness, I was trying to enjoy the view of the countryside even though I knew I felt regret for not buying a GPS. I was lost — lost with two tantrum kids who were hungrier than mindless zombies.

I kept the momentum going to smooth the traffic that day because there were numbers of cars on the road. Suddenly, I realized the gear has been dropped even though my both hand were at the steering.

Awesome. Wait, did I use my foot to shift gear. If it so, why I changed gear when I there’s no need do that at the first place?

I looked at the gear to realized my kid was involved in this thing. I imagined that he must thought that we were in the important race of F1 Championship. I tried to vision inside my kid’s mind. Well, I guess that if he didn’t shift the gear — as a gear shifting assistant to the racer — we would lose that important F1 title to our opponents.

His face frowned upon me with his eyebrows gravitated like V shaped, while his hand kept shifting the gear.

I screamed again and again. Again and again, to make him stop from what he was doing. I told him afterwards, “If you keep doing that, we will accidentally fly to the sky, because the road hates us and we’re never going to see mum again.”

 

#1 Two drivers are better than one

I have a 1.5 year-old daughter. She is as naughty as a boy. Sometimes, people mistakes her by calling her ‘good boy’ or ‘someday you will be just like your dad’.

But one thing that gives me nightmare more than an average boy could is that she wants to be a driver like his dad.

So imagine this: while the car was in motion, about 70 km/j, she wanted to take over the steering. I screamed at the top of my lungs so see there’re four hands on that steering.

First thing came in my mind: Did I have a superpower to see that my shoulders grows additional alien hands? or was it a terrorist happened to appear out of nowhere, wanted to carjack me?

There goes my little girl, trying so hard to be a driver. Wait until you’re 18.

 

My kid had given me nightmares enough to remind you that, if you don’t want to give yourself a nightmare while driving with your kids, teach your kids some manners: how to behave when you are inside the car (or sometime I fail that battle, they just don’t listen and keep playing as if they’re inside a portable playground). Or just tight a rope around them and place duck tapes on their mouth. There goes a solution, in a cruel way. OK. Don’t do that.

 

PART 1: ABOUT A GIRL

Back at the secondary school, I always thought that I was not good enough to have a girlfriend, even the ugly one. My thought always showered me with the idea: if you’re not good looking, you’re not getting anywhere. You’d be alone for the rest of your life.

As the years went by, I realized you don’t need be a good looking person to get a decent girl, at least. But what I wanted was a beautiful girl, to be my wife. Or I should be better off alone for the rest of my life.

I’d known a girl in my secondary school. This girl brought wave of uncertainties when I passed through her. Often we’re changing smile a lot and without a word.

I never registered it into my mind that she liked me. I just thought she was being nice. I mean, who wanted a boy who was not good looking at all, plus with curly hair like a Nigerian?

But the last day of school, after SPM exam, she called my name, asked me to meet somewhere we could have a nice conversation. We spoke for like 5 hours. In the end, she said she liked me because of my endless smile I gave her. Wow, my eyes were dilated and my hair stood like crazy.

Even with that, I still didn’t ask her out for dinner or anything to advance our friendship into a whole new level. I was scared of what was going on. We separated and never to see each again after that.

I learned that you don’t have to be cute or handsome to get the girl of your dream.

PART 2: I SAW YOU FIRST

I’ve mentioned about the girl of my life before, but did I mention about the criteria? Ok. It’s like this:

1. She must be pretty
2. She must be pretty
3. She must be pretty, at least from your point of view, and to hell with other people’s view. As long as you look at her, and the word pretty popped up.

That point a, b, and c, are pretty much the same. I crafted that because 80% of my decision of how to pick your girlfriend, and then tentatively turned her into my wife, was based on the point a and b.

And really, I don’t want to use that point c. It shows that your parent is one death-grip away from you, forcing you to choose your lifetime spouse and then meet them because you’re getting older and they need grandchildren, a lot of grandchildren, for them to boost their egos in front of their community.

One Saturday, my friend called me, asking me if I had a time to hang out with him. The reason I said yes was because he told me that he brought a female companion with him. In my mind, I was wondering how much beautiful could she hold?! Was she point a & b? or c? or out of the point?

Then we met at a shopping center, somewhere in KL.

The first time I saw her, things around me: the people, the outlet, my friends, even the space were vaporized from my vision. I only saw — her and the white light.

She was my tangible link of love.

I would tell everyone that this girl, this girl was the definition of a beautiful girl should be.

Can I call it love then?

No, you’re ugly bastard. And can you – for once in your life – stop falling for every pretty girl you’ve met? replied my other self, who I imagined to appear presentable right next to me.

At that time, I was having a brain dysfunctional error to execute tips and tricks on how to win a girl’s heart that I’d learned from several magazines.

I never afraid, in a passionate way, of what was I seeing in front of me — until I saw her. I was afraid that I would go blind from overexposure to pure awesomeness if I couldn’t control myself.

She’s not like other girl I’d met: smiling a lot, talkative, energetic, and it’s like she never had anything bad happened in her life. OMG, I was falling back then.

Of course, I have no, whatsoever, afraid when talking to a girl. I was not like some nerd who wet their pant every time they accidentally talked to a girl. I’d been through several relationships before her.

I’d known a girl who played a significant role in my life. And yet she dumped me, along with RM500 she left me in an envelope of the break-off letter, saying that she couldn’t have a relationship because of the disapproval of her parent.

Later on, I discovered she’s actually re-established her relationship with her ex-boyfriend. Damn you girl! You’re so good. Now who could buy me back two and half years of weeping and breaking heart?

I was not myself that day. I was speechless. I wanted her so much and the magnitude of that feeling was actually blocking me from doing something good to impress her, like talking nice to her.

The whole day I was thinking about the present, future, and the past — with her in it.

And I learned that the girl like this could send a jolt of electric shock to your brain.

PART 3: CONFIDENCE

A year after that, I was a third year student and I regained my thought of meeting her, once I finished my degree. This time I would gain my confidence to pursue her.

Several days before the semester ended, we’re changing SMSes and having phone conversations for several times.

I believed that I gained the momentum here and somehow I had a motivation to take a first flight back to home as soon as I put the last ink on my final exam paper. And if anyone asked me why I had to go back early, the answer was — it’s about a girl.

The flight touched down. I phoned to ask her out for movie. She said OK.

OK. That word sung to me like an oratory of orchestra symphony. Then it made a circle around me like a little wings. My feet couldn’t stop shaking like a little girl who longed for an ice cream.

Nah!! She’s out of your league. You’re ugly like a monster and she’s like Snow White of Malaysia, said my other self, trying to belittle me, who seemed to appear out of nowhere.

I’ll make sure this is the first of many adventures with her. I’ll lock the world in between and marry her, I replied in confidence.

My other self disappeared without notice. Hmm, maybe the fear had come into his soul.

I learned that I had to have this girl no matter how hard it was. Because it’s worth fighting for.

I never had wanted to fight for so much in my life except for her.

PART 4: MY HAPPIEST MOMENT

The sound of Kompang echoed through my hometown, indicating that I was married with the girl of my dream, the girl of my life. The girl that I thought I was nearly losing her in the battle of winning her heart.

Now, let Raja Sehari paved his way to his glamorous throne, while holding his queen’s hand.

When I sat on the pelamin, I was still freaked out by the fact that I was married with a girl who was so beautiful and charming in every way.

Yes. I couldn’t stop smiling every time I saw the face of the people who attended my wedding reception. Everyone congratulated me.

Some of my friends still couldn’t believe that I ended up my bachelor life at 24, because there’s much more excitement waiting and you won’t get it if you’re married. I told them there’s so much more than excitement waiting for me when I was alone with her. And you know what I mean.

This little, tiny moment that I always have mental pictures in my mind, is the happiest moment of my life. The proportion of this moment may be small, but the greatness had weighted the world of mine compared to others.

Take this moment away from me and the part of my life will be lost, too.

My Happiest ‘Olympus’ Moment

The whole day I was thinking about the present, future, and the past — with her in it. Again.

Sometimes when I’m alone, I’m crying happily to see our wedding ring has wielded our love permanently.

I burst myself to tears to believe that a girl like her, who is decent and kind and pretty, would marry a man like me, who have a lot weaknesses and carelessness.

I’m weeping myself every time I broke her heart for so many times, and yet she accepts who I am. I just wanted to her I’m responsible and I’m here to be blamed for every fight that we’ve been through since the first day we get married. OMG, why am I crying while I’m writing this?

There’s no one like her. And I don’t know if I could go on with my life without her.

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I love you so much..