life

How To Boost Self-Confidence

Imagine: You were about to give a speech and suddenly you were lost for words.

A question:  How did you feel at the time you lost a your confidence when you needed the most?

If someone asked me, then my answer is I felt angry and regretful, and a little of bit shame.

If I could turn back the time.

I know there’re reasons, million reasons to what I called the freeze tradegy: you begin to mumbling for your speech when you have been training for hours before that, awkward moment comes  and you are sweating like a horse. To add salt to the wound, you begin to stutter, lost for words, and you embarassed yourself.

It hurts like katana sword comes, from behind, through your stomach.

I looked into myself to think about it and this are the reasons why me and people like me lost their self-confidence in front of audience:

  1.  Lack Of Exposure. If your job is needed to speak all the time with a certain audience, then you get enough exposure. But if your job is rotting yourself in front of a computer and suddenly you were asked to proactively speaking in front of people in a seminar, that would be a problem.
  2. Lack Of Knowledge. We have no idea how to turn an ugly moment around and bring rainbows to it. But if we have read books and deep knowledge about the topic, I’m sure that we will prevail. It’s like our brain tend to help us with critical outcome when we are trouble during that speech.
  3.  A Butterfly In Stomach. This is the ultimate reason why we lose our confidence. At this point, you feel like your whole system is malfunctioned. Your brain is failure to follow order. You feel like to run out of the hall and crying like a baby because you failed to attract your spectator and audience with words and once again, words have failed you and you keep blaming them. You failed to deliver your message to your, maybe, CEO, bosses, clients, students, or audiences.

Last month, I was participated in a workshop and my team leader appointed me to be a group representative to stand and speak in front of 100 participants.

I managed to deliver message and message received. Everyone understand what was all about, I didn’t bore them nor interest them, according to my leader’s feedback. More or less, I feel that nightmare — like million zombies tried to eat me – when I was on the stage.

Here’s some example of tasks that needs self-confidence especially in front of people:

  • Public Speaking.
  • Singing.
  • Opinions.
  • Lecturing.

In my opinion, there are four important points you need to brush up:

  1. Dress something nice.  Try to dress like a champion. It doesn’t matter people mockingly called you a fashionista or something similar to that. We are trying to develop values to our confidence. This is the small step for being self-confidence guy. My suggestion is try to observe what kind of fashion is trending right now or get the idea by just window-shopping at Jusco or Parkson.
  2. Don’t Give Up. One day of brief happiness doesn’t make a man entirely happy. One failure doesn’t make you a lifetime failure. Just don’t give up. We need to fail in order to succeed. Speak. Fail. Review back why you failed.
  3. Go To Class. One way to improve your skills in effective way is to go to class. Public speaking class teaches how not to be afraid when facing millions of audiences. They teach you how body languange actually plays  a part of gaining confidence. Classes provide knowledge, social interactivity, and antidote for scared-of-crowd desease that has been haunting a lot of people.
  4. Pretend Wear A Mask. Before you facing the audience, you take out something from your pocket: a mask and just playfully pretend that you’ll be wearing for 20 minutes presentation of team’s Key Performance Index review. Fear no more. You have been shielded and you’ll be a better presentator, your body is following your order, your voice is doing right, your vital points are well presented.
  5. Learn Something New. Learn something that absolutely far and unrelated with your field of work. In my opinion, if you really want to be creative, in dimensional way, you have to learn something completely new like playing instrument – guitar, piano, or drum; kayaking, or learn foreign language.

Conclusion. Self-confidence is really helping you a lot in your life, especially when being a father. May be you are afraid right now when dealing with audience.

So do I.

I always say to myself that why not give a chance for myself to face the fear.

Life Is A Learning Curve

Photo: TonyHall

 Life is a learning curve to what some people always say. It’s true in many ways.

Life is the greatest teacher. The older you are, the more experience you get.

But, if you don’t take lessons from tragic incidents or memorial events in your life, unfortunately, you missed the opportunity, to learn something valuable.

Our world seems to accept that our knowledge is measured by a piece of paper.

If you’re a degree holder, people look you in an entirely different way.

Now hear me this: It’s just formality and academical. Just because you have completed doing degree or master’s degree, doesn’t mean you know everything. It’s just a beginning. Lessons in life take a long, long time to learn — well, a lifetime.

Let’s say that you have good self-initiatives to improve yourself, you will go to public speaking class, foreign language class, writing class, singing class, and even go to surau or mosque to hear some motivational, religious speech.

You always trying to improve the area of weaknesses.

Introduction to lifelong learning. According to Wikipedia – Lifelong Learning or LLL, is the continuous building of skills and knowledge throughout the life of an individual. It occurs through experiences encountered in the course of a lifetime.

LLL is divided into two:

  • Formal: training, counseling, tutoring, mentorship, apprenticeship
  • Informal: experience and situation.

Benefits of lifelong learning

1. Protect your head. My head and your head and every father’s head are the most valuable asset. They become more valuable than others when you give fuel to them, by doing something that can also lower your risk of getting Alzheimer — like reading books, playing instrument, analyzing problems, doing research, brain teaser games and etc.

Here some other things keep your head protected: Regular exercise, Healthy diet, Mental stimulation, Quality sleep, Stress management, An active social life [via HelpGuide]

2. Your intelligence is superior to others. Jogging is a fitness exercise for your physical body. Lifelong learning is a fitness exercise for your intelligence. While others keep decreasing because they are too lazy, yours is increasing handsomely because you schedule ‘your jogging for brain’ activity accordingly.

3. Earn more money. If a father keeps improving himself, some people will get impressed by it. Eventually, the father have no problem to bring more money to his family because [1] his writing is doing well and landed a freelance job, [2] a foreign language class he’s attending finally gets him paid as a part-time translator job, and [3] his public speaking training gets him invitations to give inspirational speeches in many events.

4. Increase your confidence. LLL increases your confidence. Now a father can overcome the stress of continuous crying of his baby because he knows a solution to that matters. His balance between work and life is becoming more stable, because his confidence musters like the way it should.

5. Self-satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment.  A father feels his life full with colors of happiness, because he realizes how much satisfying when doing something that can benefit to himself and his family.

From daddy’s POV. 

In my opinions, a father should have LLL plan in his mind, at least. Job as a father — like other paid job — needs to be sharpened to keep the competency level at its best. Reading is a good thing to know something you’re don’t know. You have a curious feeling inside of you that wants to come out. You read about sleeping pattern just to know whether your son has been sleeping well as recommended. You even take extra mile, unconventional way by watching YouTube videos to get ideas for useful activities, and indirectly improve your son’s motoring skill, intelligence, and learning ability.

Taking advice from the older ones prevent you from the same thing happened happen your life. As you know, not all the advices are usable or appropriate. May be the advices are against your family policy and constitution. Make your decision only for what’s good for your family.

Conclusion: Learning is a continuing process. A father must be knowledgeable. A father must know about almost everything. It’s a bullet vest when your son fires questions like a machine gun.

Lesson is not some kind of numbers and figures that you’ve been rewarded after three years of struggling to get a decent degree in a university.

If you’re getting comfort by knowing that you’re superior to anyone else around you just because you have the scroll of education, then you haven’t been learning anything.

Some good articles about lifelong learning

My Mom Teaches About Life #2: Obstacles

This is the series of My Mom Teaches Me About Life

Photo: littleFIRE

A CURRENT OBSTACLE ENDS AT THE BEGINNING OF THE NEW, MORE CHALLENGING ONE

UPSR challenge.
1. “Do you want to be first in the family without straight As in UPSR, huh. Do you want to be the first?” This was the first challenge I ever face. My soul was cursed with fear. Fear that I could be the one who broke the family records.

2. That was the moment I ever wished I wasn’t born in education-oriented family. No matter how hard I try to deny, I have to live by fact that my father is a professor who loves books so much as he only see how many ‘A’ that I can bring to home from school.

3. The result of my UPSR (Ujian Penilaian Sekolah Rendah) trial was so bad: I got 4Bs (that was real bad for my family). And this had brought disgrace to my family education records. My two elder sisters and my one and only brother, they got great result which is straight As in UPSR.

4. And that made me sad. That year was my moment to continue my elders’ records. I had to drag the heavy burden behind my back and only god knew how much I hate myself.

5. Because my of trial result, I had to — with the deepest guilty in my heart — felt the spray of the water that came out of my mother’s mouth, talking about an uneducated person who led their live miserably with no money, and couldn’t even take care of himself. It went on for 2 hours.

6. Before I went to sleep, I was staring at the ceiling and I wonder how selfish this family was. They only care about grade and all.

7. If I got even one B in my result, I packed my bag and runaway. Well, that was my first thought. But really, I had been thinking through for while and I guess — that runaway thing — was not in my constitution. I decided to face my fear.

IT WAS STRESSFUL.
8. UPSR was like a big, giant stone that I had to hammer it to piece for me to continue my journey of life. Only god knows how hard to I try to pursuing all As. I was trying so hard that if I continue to use the same effort to all challenges for the next 20 years, I could be so intelligent like a rocket scientist.

9. The thing was, I forced myself to set my study-hard effort into motion in pursuing straight As. Like chasing a butterfly, I caught them all. I was flooded with congratulations from all friend and family. My life was full with colors and sunshine. I remember I was smiling a lot as I received an award, as one of the best achievers, on the school stage in front my fellow family, friends and teachers.

10. Just as I proud with my UPSR crap and all, and I believe the magnitude of that happiness wasn’t worn-out until I reached Form 3 — I faced another, more challenging obstacle in my education life : PMR (Penilaian Menengah Rendah)

PMR Challenge onwards.
11. The funny thing was, my effort in chasing all ‘A’s in PMR, was not as much as I put when I was facing UPSR. When I looked back, things that I should do were: I should sit properly, take deep breath, and focus to what I have to achieve — all ‘A’s, to make family proud, my father especially.

I FAILED TO IMPRESS EVERYONE
12. I got 6As, 2Bs, 1D. And I was about to get kicked out from the school, then my father saved me.

13. My father was a Yang Dipertua PIBG, president of the parent-teacher organization. From 1996 to 1998, he carried his responsibility like he had golds in his hand. Because of his intelligent moves and decisions, all parents were in favors for him to continue his excellence in carrying his duty.

14. But you have to have a kid in that school. So if I being kicked out of the school, my father had to let go of his position.

15. The requirement for a student to continue his/her study was, you had to have at least C grade in Arabic Language. I got D. And of course, because of that, I had to find another school.

16. Since the parents and the teachers loved my father a lot, they made an exception for my batch only.

17. I caught my breath for a while, and felt relieve. I, as well as my friends who were below the requirement, continue studying in that school. I promised to myself to study hard, just like I did with UPSR.

18. But I failed to follow my promise.

19. I played more and studied less. I thought I was big enough to decide what’s best for my life. And I was not feeling guilty about that. I was out of focus. Getting excellent result wasn’t my goal anymore.

20. My SPM result was bad. I wanted to eat the result paper.

21. I despised myself to see my friends waving goodbye at airports because they had the opportunity to further study abroad: Japan. Germany. UK. US. You name it.

22. Right now, when I think back to the years that I had been taking for granted, my hands are shaking with full of regrets. My heart is beating so fast to realize that I can’t return back in time and fix the things that had become a history.

BECOMING A FATHER AND ITS CHALLENGES
17. I have a lot of worries in my mind. They’re playing tricks inside of me, keep on telling me that I can’t a good father and even a good husband. I try not to listen to the endless whispers that discourage me for being a better man.

18. When I look at my son, I foresee that he will be just like me: rebel, arrogant, and careless. Let others worry about his future and not feeling guilty about ruining his own life.

19. Some peoole said your kids will follow your tracks. If you do bad things when you’re young, then they will do bad things too.

20. And that what I’m afraid of.

21. I always don’t care about hurting someone’s feeling until now. I hurt my teacher’s feeling who depends on my result for their performance, my father who presume a higher expectation from me, my friends, and the education itself.

CONCLUSION.
22. What I should do back then? If I got the DeLorean car and back to where it began, I should tell my oneself that:

  • You have to focus.
  • Don’t be fooling around.
  • Study instead of bullying your junior.
  • Respect your teacher. No matter how hard you study, you can’t score without teacher’s approval.
  • Love your family. Don’t be a rebellion like a stupid teenager
  • Do what your father and mother told you.
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